Reflections On Life, A Day After A Brush With Death.
Reflections on Life, a Day After a Brush with Death.
I’m alive! So are you! Isn’t that incredible? A gift to be cherished.
Yesterday, I was hit by a car while cycling. I’m banged up. I have a broken right elbow and am currently typing this with my left hand. It could have been much worse. There are big days and little days in life. Yesterday was a big one, so I thought I’d take some time to reflect, process my thoughts and share my story with friends.
What happened? I was riding my Time Trial bike headed North on Lakeshore Drive at 27mph. As I approached the intersection for Lakewood Blvd a small SUV headed South began turning in front of me, to go East onto Lakewood Blvd (there’s no stop sign on Lakeshore). I started braking and screaming “NoNoNoNoNoNo!!!!” Crash. The SUV bumper/fender hit my left leg and sent me flying off the road. I landed on my right side/back. I proceeded to curse steadily for the next 3 minutes or so. A lot of Fucks, Shits, Damn Its, groans, Come on Mans, Whys? After a few minutes I calmed myself down and relaxed. I was ok. My head seemed fine. My spine felt ok. I could wiggle all of my fingers and toes. I was breathing well. Ribs weren’t broken. My left leg hurt bad (where the truck struck me) and my right elbow/forearm was in a lot of pain. I stayed on the ground and stayed calm. I was frustrated. Upset with the driver. Questioning why I enjoy cycling so much when this was an obvious risk. I replayed the whole situation. What happened? How? Why? I’m pretty sure the driver saw me. I think he underestimated my speed and thought he could get across the intersection in front of me. Ugh. I was mad at him. And I forgave him. It was his fault, but it was an accident. This is going to be expensive. I hate that I thought of money in the moment, but I did. For a second. Meaningless. I’m alive. What a gift.
People were starting to gather around, offering help. The driver of the SUV asked if he could do anything to help. I couldn’t look at him. There was a car behind the SUV that saw the whole thing. I could hear him talking to 911. “The cyclist is hurt. He’s a fit male in his mid-twenties.” I’m 37. I have to admit I felt proud for a minute – I half-smiled to myself and that eased the pain. I felt grateful for my body. Thankful that I took good care of it. Grateful for daily habits and choices that made me healthy and strong. Grateful for my friend Dan who taught me mobility exercises that I did every morning to keep my joints flexible and young. Grateful for my wife Necia who helped me transform my diet and introduced me to yoga. How much more broken would I be if I were less flexible and brittle? Maybe, just maybe my body will recover and heal like a “fit male in his mid-twenties.”
The ambulance arrived and a super kind, calm EMT started asking me questions and checking my body as I continued to lay on the ground. I think his name was Tom. He radiated calm. As I heard my own voice answering his questions I realized I was calm. With it. Everything was Ok. It was around 11am and the rest of the day was pure gratitude. I was thankful for all of the helpers surrounding me. Thankful for life, my body, my family. The EMTs put a brace on my neck as a precaution and put me on a stretcher. As they loaded me into the ambulance I could see the SUV driver in my peripheral vision. I still couldn’t look at him. I felt/feel bad about it. Part of me wanted to say I’m OK. I forgive you. Part of me wanted to make sure he felt the weight of what just happened. I almost died. He and his truck were unharmed. I was grateful to be alive. I was also really grateful for him. Grateful that an accident on his part wasn’t more serious and wouldn’t haunt him and alter his life in a dark way.
To the driver: I forgive you. Please, I beg you, be more careful driving. Be patient and extra cautious around cyclists. I’m a driver too. We all make mistakes. We all can be distracted. We all can be impulsive or impatient. Let’s all be gracious. I know there are misconceptions and misunderstandings. A common one is wondering why cyclists are on the road and not on the sidewalk or bike path. There are times I ride on a bike path – if I’m cruising at a low speed with my family. When I’m travelling quickly, it’s much more dangerous for all of us if I’m on the bike path. I promise you wouldn’t want me flying past you at 27mph when you’re on a family walk on the bike path. That’s dangerous for everybody. And there are typically lots of blind driveways on bike paths (especially on Lakeshore Dr). For drivers, walkers, bikers, pets, strollers – we’re all better off if speedy bikes are on the road behaving responsibly.
I called Necia from the ambulance once I had a good sense of my injuries and could calmly reassure her that I was OK. She met me at the hospital where I spent a couple hours getting X-Rays and CT Scans. The elbow is definitely broken and will need surgery. The other cuts, scrapes and bruises don’t appear to be too serious. I’m so thankful for the dozens of medical professionals that showed me kindness and assistance. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.
I enjoyed sending and receiving messages from dozens of friends and family throughout the day. It honestly felt like my birthday. Scrap that. Nobody cares about your birthday when you’re 37. It felt like a kid’s birthday. Dozens of kind words, offers for help and encouragement. Inquiries from cycling friends on the status of my bike 😜. Offers from friends to watch the kids for the afternoon (thanks Fegels!). Offers to bring over dinner (thanks Schwalliers!).
And of course, all of the thoughts and prayers and good vibes from a variety of friends and families that hold a variety of spiritual beliefs and practices and share a common humanity, kindness and connectedness. My own beliefs have shifted and changed throughout my life, but I am truly grateful for everyone who paused yesterday and sent up a prayer, or a thought or energy to God, toward me, into the Universe. We’re somehow connected. I embrace the mystery of that connection and am grateful for it. I have a 91 year old grandma who prays for me every single day. She and I have different beliefs about God, but I love that she pursues a deep connection with me and for me every day. I know that she prayed for me yesterday and I think that’s beautiful. I am blessed.
Last night I was filled with extra gratitude as I said Thank Yous with our kids at bedtime – acknowledging so many lives that intersected to create a beautiful day.
Where to go from here? I had lots of big, fun plans this year. Today we were going to officially announce a fun campaign with Michigan Awesome called “The Epic Adventures of Mr. Michigan” in which I play the role of Mr. Michigan – a kind of goofy adventurer exploring some of the most awesome people, places and events in Michigan. I planned on participating in lots of cycling, running, swimming and adventure races. I also planned to attempt 3 World Records this year: 1) Cycling Speed Record across the state (206 miles), 2) First Ever Swim to North Manitou Island and 3) Running Relay from the Southern Border of Michigan to the Northern border in the UP. I’m going to miss some of the races. I’m still hopeful that I can heal quickly and be ready for most of them. Either way, it’ll be ok. I personally was looking forward to the world record attempts as a challenge and celebration of my body’s potential. Instead my new priority and hope is to celebrate our body’s healing potential. I also hoped to use these wacky events as an opportunity to connect with others on a deep level. I got the first dose of that connection yesterday due to some unforeseen circumstances. Perhaps yesterday was the first Epic Adventure of Mr. Michigan. An Epic Fail on one level – but failure can be priceless.
Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, to everyone who has reached out in the past 24 hours. I’m more grateful than ever for life. My spirits are high and I’m hoping for a fast, full recovery.
This morning, 23 hours after the crash, I was back on my bike (indoors) celebrating the human body’s resilience. There’s still a long road of recovery ahead, but I’m excited to continue pursuing new adventures. In the meantime, please keep the thoughts, prayers and good vibes flowing and I hope to connect soon.
#FallDownGetBackUp #Grateful